Thursday, January 20, 2011

To Ma + Pa (Side A) Part 2

Part two of the audio tape I bought from a thrift store in Anderson, CA. In this part Steve excitedly tells his parents about the prospects he's been speaking with.

"They're so golden man. They're in their baptismal suits, they just don't know it yet."

He also introduces the wisecracking Bishop Bingham, mocks his Dad's baldness and his Mom's cooking, and reads them the Top Ten Reasons Why a Franklin Planner is Better Than a Girlfriend. Absolutely riveting.

In the next installment Steve takes his parents on a thorough audio tour of his 1 bedroom apartment, where he spends over 2 minutes describing a poster on his wall. Seriously.

Another well spent dollar #2

Centuries after the holocaust that destroyed Earth, Galad Sarian is exiled from his home planet of Zurjah to Karkesh, the desecrated city of chains on the planet Ur. There, the former heir to the Dream Lords throne is to be eternally imprisoned with the vilest anthropomorphic species of monsters in all the nine worlds…

Creatures so hideous that the mind cannot imagine the mutations and permutations from which they sprang…

Creatures so fearfully atrocious that Galad Sarian cannot know if they truly exist, or if they are nightmarish hallucinations created for his torture by the awesome magic of THE DREAM LORDS.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Danny Edward - Champion of Love

I bought this cassette tape, autographed and everything, at a thrift store in Anderson, CA. Fifty cents worth of awesome.

"To Lonnie & Dee Dee,
God bless you richly
I love you very much
Keep moving forward
Love, Danny L. Edward"

Sunday, January 16, 2011

To Ma + Pa (Side A) Part 1

I found this tape at a thrift store in Anderson, CA. The only hints as to it's content were "To Ma + Pa" on Side A and "To Steve" on Side B. It turned out to be an audio letter from a Mormon missionary to his parents. This is part 1 of Side A, where Mormon missionary Steve tells his parents about his breakfast, the state of Florida, his desire for new pants, and his Senior Elder, Jared Eugene Lee.

In the next installment Steve practically salivates while telling his parents about some of his new prospects in Florida.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Another well spent dollar #1

Nobody has a name like Jesus O'Flynn. And it's true Jesus is not his name.

But Mr. Charisman called him Jesus because that is what O'Flynn had said the first time he glimpsed the dimensions of the creature who called himself, idiotically, Mr. Charisman. Mr. Charisman was a gigantic excrescence with many moving mouths that argued with one another, that snapped and drooled over O'Flynn in a manner altogether disgusting.

But if Mr. Charisman was a nightmare, what he wanted O'Flynn to do was utter madness.

On the other hand, even utter madness can look sane when one has a time bomb planted in one's body...