Friday, April 1, 2011

We Wish You A Turtle Christmas

We Wish You A Turtle Christmas is an absolutely ridiculous straight-to-video cash grab from 1995. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in this video are somewhat reminiscent of the characters from the live-action movies, except that their mouths barely move when they speak, and their costumes look like they're about to fall apart. I think I saw Michelangelo's jockstrap under his shell during one intense dance sequence. But the music is what's really important, and this is where We Wish You A Turtle Christmas really shines. Just imagine if you will Leonardo draped in Christmas tree lights, with a ridiculous (and totally unexplained) Jamaican accent singing "deck the halls with pepperoni, fa la la la la, la la la la." But you don't have to imagine it, because no matter how hard you try to wish it away, it actually exists. The story involves the Turtles realizing that they forgot to get Splinter a present and racing around the city on Christmas Eve to find one, but nevermind that, just enjoy the rap about wrapping presents. I sure did. I know that it's impossible to un-crush the souls of all the children who watched this video, I just hope that everyone that was involved in We Wish You A Turtle Christmas is sufficiently embarrassed of what they did.

Check out the full scan over at VHS WASTELAND.


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